Established set of limits over your physical and emotional well-being which you expect others to respect in their relationship with you.
Balanced emotional and physical limits set on interacting with another so that you can achieve and interdependent relationship of independent beings, who do not lose their personal identity, uniqueness, and autonomy in the process.
Clearly defined limits within which you are free to be yourself with no restrictions place on you by others as to how to think, feel, or act.
Limit or line over which you will not allow anyone to cross because of the negative impact it will cause.
Unhealthy: I can never trust anyone again. Healthy Boundary Builder: I have a right to take the risk to grow in my relationships with others. If I find my space or rights are being violated or ignored, I can assertively protect myself to ensure I am not hurt.
Unhealthy: I’ve been hurt badly in the past and I will never let anyone in close enough to hurt me again. Healthy Boundary Builder:I do not need to be cold and distant or aloof and shy as protective tool to avoid being hurt. I choose to open myself up to others trusting that I will be assertive to protect my rights and privacy from being violated.
Yea, sounds a little text-book-ish huh! But believe it or not, that is exactly what it is!
Ask yourself this: How open or closed are you about YOUR boundaries? Do you know what your boundaries are? What level do you need to be on with someone, to be willing to open up and share your inner thoughts and pride?
Many people grab the motar and bricks and start building their walls; some so high that they can’t even seem to get over them again. Having boundaries is good; it helps you define what will and won’t happen to you, with you, and well, against you.
Many just brush off the offenses and keep going, some wake up with a conscious and can’t seem to shake their feelings of irritability, and then some actually like it. Where do you stand? There are so many ways to handle the dispositions of boundaries, think about it and ask yourself: am I being walked on?
**If your both playing around, like a game of cat and mouse, and sometimes you say things just to get a reaction out of a person, is a bit different, and there is usually a mutual understanding that the both of you are joking. Don’t let someone wait till after the fact, and see your discontent to react with “Ohh, I was just kidding….” because they weren’t, and they were belittling you.
It is needed that the ground you stand on is firm, make is a point to tell someone that what is happening is making you feel uncomfortable, if they don’t like it, you can kindly show them where your door is.
No one is there for someone else to act like an ass to. Being rude, pushing you away, rejection, all of those things make you feel like you were drawing lines in the sand.
No matter what you feel for someone, it’s not fair to have them treat you in a way that makes you feel like crap. Period. Pick up on things; like the way they are pushing you away, what is taking their attention away, ask, talk, communicate; start tuning in and stop digging at yourself, because it’s not you, it’s THEM. You will be surprised to find out what really might be going on, unless your just a lucky one, and got a REAL asshole.
There are 3 types of assholes:
The asses.
The assholes.
The assholders.
The asses. Eh, they’re ok. They need some work, but can be tolerated, most of them are aware of that, but they don’t really care at the moment, and when they’re ready, they’ll make that change. Don’t wait forever.
The assholes. Well, lets be frank, you don’t even want to be seen in public with them. They are the ones who will in a heart beat, for their own entertainment, belittle you and laugh at you all in the same. When they realize that your not laughing, they’ll pull the “ohhh I was just kidding…” but they don’t care, instead they will continue to badger you, until you have to cross your boundaries, and laugh through your own embarrassment.
And finally the assholders. These are natures ‘ducks’ as well call them. For those of you who don’t know what a duck is when referring to a man, or anyone for that instance, think about it, a sitting duck, they don’t do much, say much, act much, and are pretty lazy. These guys are most of population, and should made aware of, only because they can be a waste of time. You can’t change the duck within, and odds have it, they probably don’t want to either. Best bet: Stay away.
Be yourself, love yourself, and set some high goals, ambitions, and be proud for what you stand for. If (a) your man can’t handle it, then its time for a new man, not a new you. There is only one you, be glorious for who you are!
