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Casual Relationships. What does that mean to you? Locally, I would call that a friend with benefits, someone who is non-exclusive. You basically are having your cake and eating it too!
But are you?
What about someone who lives a little farther away? Would you dare? Do you think that you might get hurt? Catch feelings? Want more?
It’s so often that people say casual relationships will never work because someone of the two will always have feelings, at least more than the other. Well, I have a little trick up my sleeve, it’s a LDF: or Long Distance Friend.
And, it’s just that, someone who is far enough away, but you still share a connection; mostly physical/sexual, but could you really expect to have anything more? It’s nice, you have what you want, on your terms, when you want it, -granted it takes a little more planning around schedules; but personally I think that adds a little more to it, and there’s no strings attached.
Yea, you might like him/her, you may have feelings, but here is where that great old saying “Out of Sight, Out of Mind,” actually works. I’m sure it’s being thought that this is ridiculous, who would ever want to be with someone who lives so far away? Someone that can’t come home to, someone you have to wait by the phone or your IM to hear from?…
Easy.
If you’re pretty busy and don’t want the hassle of being questioned- ‘Where were you? I stopped by, you weren’t there, who was that I saw you with…’ or just can’t seem to find what your looking for in your area, then this just might be something a little more exciting, and a good fit. No worries about gossip -he said, she said, if your going to run into them when your out, (not that, that’s a bad thing, but when your single, and you have relations with someone, and your seen out -separately, its kinda an automatic ‘ah well, since were here, we should be glued to each others hip…’ -ok maybe its just my city), or if you just want your space. I personally, have had my ups and downs because I like a lot of space. So people tend to get to that space of needy-clinging, I want to spend all my time with you, and if that’s not what’s going, well you end up pushing them away with out even realizing it.
Yes, there are plenty of ups and downs to a “relationship” like this too. But if both parties are open and willing, and both know that this will NEVER end up being anything more, you’ll be surprised to see what can come about.
The In-Between Time
You kind-of get to see communication in a totally different perspective, not being able to physically interact with someone in a conversation, or being able to read someone can be difficult, but if your looking for Mr. Future, this isn’t it, but Mr. Right Now will do. 
Great conversation is almost a given with an LDF, talking about literature, music, news, my fave: debating, it can almost be intensified because the conversation is the only way you have to express yourself, and you find your emphasis through your words, instead of your actions.
Sure, there’s quite the gap in intimacy, but that’s where your creative side should come into play… camera phones, web cams, kinky texting, its all fun and exciting. Although, not everyone can get by on just that, and your LDF, just might be a good ol’ pen pal after-all. So let your hair down, and take a few extra minutes and send your ‘friend’ something kinky, just to get their mind wondering, engage in a little text phone sex (hey it’s discrete) Then when you can sneak away, snap a pic of what those naughty words make you want to do with them…
Arrangements
So how often should you see each other? How far is too far? What if money is an issue when it comes to traveling. This might be a little harder, but to be put simply, see each other whenever you can, based on your schedules, and both of your needs. If you’re in the same state, little weekend getaways are great, if out of state, then some planned saving might be a good idea. Too far,is never too far! Yea if there are different time zones you might want to make accommodations, you don’t want someone calling you in the middle of the night…
Traveling on the other hand, the best way to make that work is to take turns one, or go Dutch (half & half). That way its not misconstrued or sought upon someone to always be forking out the money. It still takes two to tango, no matter what the arrangements are.
The what ifs, why nots, and maybes…
As long as it’s made well-aware, going into something, where there could be a possibility of emotions getting mixed up, there should be guidelines… ok, well maybe not “guidelines”, but some mutual understandings about how things are going to be taken. If your engaging in something with someone and its made very clear, from the beginning, you don’t want any of that ‘well I didn’t know, you never said anything until now…’ If both of you bring it up through conversation touch lightly about your feelings, your partner might just be seeing what and where your head is at. But being pushy, pressing the issue that you want more of them, and what if this, why not that, maybe we could do this…could leave you hearing the dial tone very soon.
Having surface feelings is one thing. It’s what allows you to become connected, to sharing yourself, mentally and physically.
Just remember if your looking for someone to have some fun with, travel, push the boundaries with, and still keep your space and your own life, someone that you date away from where you are, isn’t always a bad thing…
